I Can Care About You and Still Hold You Accountable

I’ve been told before that I don’t have enough empathy.

It’s an interesting criticism because I actually think about empathy constantly as a leader.

I’ve rearranged schedules because someone was struggling.

I’ve given second chances. And third chances.

I’ve adjusted expectations during difficult seasons.

I’ve spent hours coaching people through situations that had very little to do with the job they were hired to do.

I’ve kept employees longer than I should have because I knew what losing their job might mean for them.

And, if I’m being completely transparent, I’ve sometimes avoided conversations I knew I needed to have because I wanted to give someone just a little more time.

For years, I thought that was empathy.

I’m no longer sure all of it was.

Sometimes it was empathy.

Sometimes it was people-pleasing.

And sometimes it was simply me avoiding the discomfort of holding someone accountable.

There’s a difference.

One of the hardest things about becoming a leader is realizing that two seemingly contradictory things can be true at exactly the same time.

I can care about what you’re going through.

And I can still expect you to do your job.

It took me years to understand that those aren’t opposing ideas.

They’re both part of responsible leadership.

And then life taught me that lesson in a way I never would have chosen.

When my father died, my world stopped.

Except, of course, it didn’t.

That’s one of the strangest things about grief.

Your world can feel like it has completely fallen apart while everyone else’s Tuesday remains Tuesday.

There were magazine deadlines.

There were employees who needed answers.

There were clients who had paid us.

There were businesses that needed to operate.

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