Who Are You Trying to Prove It To?

A few years ago, my husband asked me a question that completely stopped me in my tracks.

He looked at me and said,

“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You’ve done it. So…who are you trying to prove it to?”

I remember staring back at him, waiting for an answer to come.

It never did.

Not because I didn’t want to answer.

Because I genuinely didn’t know.

That question has followed me ever since.

For most of my life, I thought I was chasing success. Looking back, I don’t think I was chasing success at all.

I think I was chasing approval.

Not from one person.

From everyone.

Growing up, I learned that being “good” meant being helpful.

It meant taking chores off other people’s plates before anyone had to ask. It meant doing well in school. Working hard. Not making life more difficult for anyone else. Having an opinion wasn’t nearly as important as doing what I was told.

At the time, it seemed like a good way to move through the world.

Only later did I realize what I had unknowingly learned.

My value wasn’t something I simply possessed.

It was something I earned.

Through achievement.

Through being dependable.

Through making everyone else’s life easier.

The problem is, when that’s the lesson you carry into adulthood, it doesn’t stay in your childhood.

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